Big tubs of chocolates right at front of supermarket just for no reason

TUBS of Heroes and Celebrations have been placed right by the entrance of every supermarket just in case you fancy them for whatever reason, say retailers. 

The tubs, piled high and competitively priced, are not there in preparation for any kind of festival of consumption which is too far away to even mention but just because.

Morrisons store manager Nathan Muir said: “No big deal. Just some chocolates that you can put in a cupboard until such time as they come in handy.

“Nobody’s bringing the name of any kind of annual event into play here. Not with Halloween still in play. But if you, y’know, ‘need’ a tub of Roses we’re here.

“Hey, the last thing I want to do is panic anyone. And no need, what with these tubs being piled high. I’m sure you’ll be able to get your favourites no problem when the time comes.”

Muir added in a whisper: “That woman there just bought five tubs of Quality Street. What if they’re gone by December! It’ll ruin you-know-what!”