Boss describes minor work problem as 'the perfect storm'

THE boss of a small business has compared a minor staffing issue to a terrifying maritime disaster, it has emerged.

Tom Logan told staff at Apex Recruitment Solutions of Derby that being short-staffed in April was like an incredibly fierce hurricane that tosses ships around as if they were toys.

Colleague Nikki Hollis said: “Tom said the combination of Sally being on maternity leave, Pete going to Disney World and Elaine being at a conference in Dorking would be ‘the perfect storm’.

“I think he might be a bit melodramatic. When I suggested getting a temp in to cover the phones for a fortnight he just looked grim and said, ‘no, that will never work.’

“I do feel it’s a bit disrespectful to sailors, because in an actual perfect storm you’d be more concerned about staying alive rather than working till 7.30pm.”

Logan said: “If we only have lunch at our desks, we stand a slim chance of ‘riding the storm’.

“It’s like the time we got to a recruitment fair at the NEC four hours late because Pete’s car broke down at Tamworth. That was World War Three.”

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Hugh Grant's Love Actually character now a far-right lunatic

HUGH Grant’s politician character from Love Actually is now a raving far-right lunatic who hates immigrants, it has emerged.

Grant is to reprise the role of prime minister ‘David’ in short film Love Actually 2, which reveals that his character has clung to power by stoking racial hatred and writing a column for the Daily Mail about ‘making Britain great again’.

The actor
said: “It was the character’s development that really drew me to the sequel, he’s a proper modern politician who diverts attention from his incompetence by blaming Eastern European plumbers.

He’s now divorced from Martine McCutcheon’s character and spends his spare time either stalking her online or trolling feminists in Guardian comments sections. He even has a creepy chief advisor called Maxwell who has a skin condition and worships an anti-semitic lizard god called Golgoroth.

Sadly it’s only a short film so we won’t have the time to go deeper into the reasons he has become like this, such as his impotence that can’t be cured by any amount of Viagra.

There’s no happy ending as such but you do see David totally lose it when a foreigner wins Wimbledon, leading to a mad rampage which culminates with him naked and strangling a goose.”