THE key qualification for being a business leader is the ability to fire people while consuming food.
With business schools now including lunchtime firing skills in their MBA courses, the Confederation of British Industry stressed that leadership and organisational skills were now largely irrelevant.
A CBI spokesman said: “The modern British workforce doesn’t need inspiring, it needs firing. And it needs to be fired in a way that is not going to inconvenience the person who is doing it.
“We are delighted that tomorrow’s executives are learning how to enunciate properly with a mouth full of ham.”
Roy Hobbs, managing director of the Chelmsford-based firm Consolidating Solutions, added: “I’ve no idea what Consolidating Solutions is, what they consolidate or what solutions they provide.
“My job is to fire people at lunchtime when they’re on their break.”