Britain basically knocks off for Christmas

BRITAIN has confirmed it is knocking off because it is now Christmas. 

Businesses have been brought to a standstill as staff abandon all pretence of work to focus on dicking about even more than usual.

Between work Christmas parties, putting tinsel around monitors and online shopping, it is estimated that the average employee works for no more than 12 minutes in the whole of December.

Economist Bill McKay said: “It is essentially an alcohol-induced shutdown.

“Any attempt to work in December should be seen as actively destructive.”