Cocaine use in restaurant trade possibly linked to idiotic food and ludicrous prices, say experts

A HIGH level of cocaine use in upmarket restaurants may explain why the dishes all sound idiotic and the prices are insane.

As chef Gordon Ramsay claimed use of the drug was ‘rife’, experts said most of the restaurants’ customers were on cocaine as well.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “If you order something that combines pig’s liver foam and loganberry semolina for thirty-two quid, then you and everyone else involved have taken a lot of drugs.

“You could deny it, but that’s exactly what you would do if you were addicted to cocaine. You’re a shiny mess and you’ll eat anything as long as it’s expensive.

“Meanwhile, the people in the kitchen are throwing random ingredients into a frying pan while cackling like maniacs. You’re lucky they’re not charging you thirty-two quid for a little pile of Blu Tack drenched in nail varnish.”

He added: “As a heavy user of prescription painkillers I only go to restaurants run by fellow my Tramadol enthusiasts. It’s usually just a bowl of spaghetti hoops, but it is only 30p.”