A SELFISH bastard is putting Britain’s excellent Brexit plan at risk by thinking about the consequences.
Despite Theresa May criticising ‘doomsayers’, office worker Tom Logan has been recklessly having reservations about Brexit and discussing them with his girlfriend.
Logan said: “I’m not trying to mess up Brexit, I was just wondering how we’ll overcome some of the incredibly obvious problems like… well, how long have you got?
“It’s weird that a nobody like me can affect negotiations, but I’ll stop questioning things if it’s for the best. I wouldn’t want to be some fuckwit who caused a massive economic disaster.”
Government minister David Davis said: “Brexit is an absolutely brilliant, 100% rock-solid idea, but unfortunately also extremely vulnerable to any form of criticism.
“Thinking or saying negative things about Brexit creates bad psychic energy which harms negotiations at a quantum level. That’s not some smarmy bullshit excuse, that’s science.
“When idiots like Logan start whining about minor issues like damaging 44% of our exports it just helps the EU. There’s a word for people like him – Braitors. That’s definitely a word.”