A DRUNK man, noticeably high on cocaine and bellowing about cryptocurrencies in a central London pub, is hoping people are taking his excellent financial advice.
In between frequent trips to the bathroom, city worker Jordan Gardner has spent the past three hours standing alone at the bar yelling about Bitcoin to any nearby punters trying to order a drink.
While aggressively rubbing his nose, Gardner said: “Crypto’s going to be HUGE. If you aren’t riding this wave, you’re a bigger idiot than I already thought you were.
“We’re at the start of a revolution here, yeah? You invest in Dogecoin tonight, you’ll have doubled your money by tomorrow, and could retire by the end of the week, you hear me? Now, could I borrow a tenner to take to the bathroom for a minute, please?”
A female customer unfortunate enough to have talked to Gardner said: “I was just trying to order another lambrini and suddenly I’ve got some Poundland Scarface yelling into my face about crypto bollocks.
“When I asked him what cryptocurrency actually was he started rambling about something called a ‘blockchain’, got confused, then spent 15 minutes telling me a conspiracy theory about Blue Peter. I’m not sure he’s entirely sane.”
Returning from the bathroom, Gardner yelled while tapping his nose: “My motto’s always been ‘buy high, sell high’. Right, has anyone heard of NFTs?”