‘Crowd-funding’ site connects dickheads with idiots

A NEW ‘crowd-funding’ website, wankerschemes.com, allows dickheads with stupid ideas to get money from idiots.

Uncle Spanky’s Old-Time Lemonade Tank

The wankerschemes.com site is already awash with infuriating ‘creative’ business ideas, from selling ‘contemporary lemonade’ out of a WW2 Sherman Tank, to a post-apocalyptic tea room run by otters.

A wankerschemes.com spokesman said: “When you put dickheads and gullible idiots together, something magical happens – an exchange of money.

“We’re showcasing the facile, pretentious, economically-absurd ideas of a new generation of knob-ends.

“People who can’t get money from conventional banks because their schemes are fucking ridiculous and also they’re 35 and still live with their mum.”

Utter dickhead Julian Cook, who prefers to be called ‘Chip’, is pitching for £350,000,000 to fire a cheesecake into space.

He said: “My business Space Cheesecake is a radical vision of pointlessness. I haven’t finished writing the sales spiel yet but it will mention ‘eco-powered’, ‘interactive’ and use the phrase ‘above all, it’s about fun’.

“I’m also pitching an idea where money gets liquified in a special blender, I then drink it and literally piss it away.”