Ebay Hands Blank Cheque To Annoying Pricks

MILLIONS of annoying pricks were celebrating last night after eBay gave them the go-ahead fill the online auction site with petty, ill-founded complaints.

The cake tins finally arrived

The company said the move was necessary as online disputes were slowing down the sale of stained mattresses, second hand pants and Betamax video recorders.

An eBay spokesman said: "We tossed a coin and it came up pricks."

The new policy will apply to the British and American sites, while in France the sellers have been handed exclusive rights to abuse their customers.

Wayne Hayes, a prick since 1994, said: "Last month I bought a trio of matching cake tins, but they arrived a day late.

"On the feedback form I expressed my disappointment, pointing out that I had some friends visiting and they were very keen to see my new cake tins and if they were going to arrive a day late then why didn't he just say so rather than raising everyone's hopes in such a callous fashion.

"He apologised for the delay but then tried to blame it on the post office of all people, thank you very much. I responded by saying he had threatened to break my legs with a hammer and that the tins were full of rancid meat.

"Unfortunately, he then felt it necessary to call me a 'lying bastard' and a 'right little shit'. And here was me thinking this was a free country."

Hayes added: "I'm glad eBay has acted. There's a seller in Norwich whose page is not quite cheerful enough. I suspect he's been having sex with his cat."