Eight reasons why the Argos catalogue was better than Amazon

THE end of the Argos catalogue is the end of an era for Britain. Here’s why buying the same crap from Amazon will never feel as good: 

It was free

Free! Generously piled high in front of the store by the sliding doors, satisfyingly new and heavy, you could return jubilantly from your suburban shopping trip clutching something even if you were a teenager struggling to afford a McDonald’s thick shake.

You could circle stuff

There’s no real difference between an Amazon wishlist and circling your favourites in the paper catalogue before passing it to a generous aunt, but the former feels like a souless, automated process and the latter felt warm, caring and got you what you wanted.

No sinister tailored advertising

A boy could browse the catalogue for hours without anyone knowing he coveted Barbie’s leopard-print ra-ra skirt from her Weekend collection. Nobody was collecting your information in a giant database for future blackmail/a personalised shopping journey.

It was a handy weapon

Thick and durable enough to really beat a sibling into submission, if you had an Argos catalogue you didn’t fear your big brother or need to buy the £19.99 Bullworker.

Elizabeth Duke jewellery

A nine-carat gold engagement ring from the now-defunct range was the aspirational choice for a nation of knocked-up teenagers.

Innocent consumerism

Purchases from the Argos catalogue came before the awkward knowledge that your short-lived plastic tat was slowly rotting the earth and trashing its future. You genuinely thought you’d always be riding that BMX.

Little pens

They may have gone digital now but Argos got there first, Ikea, and we won’t forget it.

Truly random extras in the waiting area

The catalogue is only part of the shopping experience. No Amazon algorithm on earth would know that what you really needed were 10 blank Alba cassettes and a set of jump leads.

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Woman whose home looks stylish in video calls lying to herself and world

A WOMAN who made a corner of her flat appear minimalist and sleek for the purpose of video calls is starting to believe her own lies. 

Office worker Hannah Tomlinson has carefully curated a corner of her living room to hoodwink people into thinking she does not live in a constant state of chaos and filth. 

Tomlinson, whose flat normally looks as if it is home to 16 toddlers whose parents are having breakdowns, said: “I’m quite simple and Danish in my design tastes, as people can see during Zoom meetings.

“I’ve always enjoyed hanging trendy prints, artfully flinging throws over the backs of chairs and keeping shelves clutter-free apart from the odd succulent. But strangely I’ve only ever got round to doing it in this corner.

“Maybe I can become the kind of woman this corner suggests I am. Maybe we’re all just one work video call away from not being a slattern with pizza boxes and socks everywhere?”

Colleague Nikki Hollis said: “Hannah’s flat looks amazing on calls, without washing drying anywhere or loads of used wine glasses. I now know I can no longer trust her.” 

Tomlinson added: “I’m hoping I won’t have any problems with my router. If I had to relocate to another place in my flat my only option would be to say that I’ve died.”