Energy companies getting advert ideas from shamanic drug sessions

SSE’S ape advert was inspired by peyote-fuelled sweat lodge rituals, it has emerged.

The power company’s weird  ‘wandering orangutan’ television advert was created after senior executives chewed hallucinogenic leaves while junior staff members beat out hypnotic rhythms on tribal drums.

An SSE source said: “Energy companies are deeply mystical places and our headquarters look like Inca temples. We are constantly tripping.

“You’ve seen the mental EDF adverts with the dancing turd thing? That character came out of a mescaline-fuelled vision quest.”

Scottish Power recently confirmed that its next ad campaign is going to be a sequel to Koyaanisqatsi, consisting of a three-hour sequence of cosmic imagery set to ambient music and making absolutely no reference to electricity or gas.

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Statutory rights affected

A MAN has forfeited his basic human rights after returning a dented can of baked beans.

Arguably not worth it

While 56-year-old Roy Hobbs did receive a full refund for the faulty can of beans, he inadvertently surrendered his right to empathy and the rule of law.

As Hobbs pocketed 68p, an alarm went off and the shopkeeper began to prod him with a stick while fellow customers repeatedly slapped his ears.

He was then bundled into a van with a sack over his head and has been held against his will ever since.

Hobbs said: “I just presumed that my statutory rights wouldn’t be affected.

“I have no idea where I got that ridiculous idea from. Of course bringing back a can of beans means I’d be treated like an animal.

“All I want is to go home to my family, but the guards keep telling me I should have thought of that before I brought the beans back.

“My cell mate has been here for 20 years since he tried to enter a phone-in on a radio show. He just keeps yelling that the answer is Right Said Fred.”