WHITE van drivers are the fulcrum upon which the world turns, it has been confirmed.
The men, who have always believed that creation exists only for their benefit, have been vindicated by the sight of Britain’s leaders bowing to them and begging for their blessing.
Plasterer Wayne Hayes said: “About fucking time.
“I’m meeting Cameron tomorrow, Farage on Wednesday, and I’m up for giving that Labour bloke a good kicking round the back of the Harehill Tavern Friday night, which he’s grovelingly grateful for.”
Roy Hobbs of Basildon agreed: “It’s like when people drive cars. They act like they matter, but when I come up on them with the horn down they soon realise who actually counts and get out of my fucking way.
“They’re probably not even real.”
The hastily-drafted White Van Act, which will replace the monarchy, judiciary, and both chambers of Parliament with self-employed tradesmen is expected to pass by Christmas, after which everything will be sorted right out sharpish for cash.