Every member of smiling Pizza Express team considering job options

EVERY member of the dedicated team launching a new Pizza Express is looking for alternative work, it has emerged. 

The Hull branch of the restaurant opens today, with all staff from the manager down still considering their employment options.

Manager Mary Fisher said: “This team is absolutely focused on creating a wonderful atmosphere, serving great food and sharing any decent vacancies they find on Monster.

“My smile’s a bit forced in the photos, but I don’t think you can tell it was because I needed to be in York for my interview at Zizzi’s in less than two hours.”

Waitress Emma Bradford agreed: “My grin says ‘Come and check out our new take on the classic Hawaiian!’

“But my eyes are saying ‘Is there anything actually wrong with being a webcam girl?’”

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Non-conformist nutter is pro-EU

A CONSPIRACY theorist, UFO nut and street-ranter has surprised everyone by being a fervent supporter of the In campaign. 

Nathan Muir of Norwich, who presents a weekly podcast about lost Nazi gold, the prophecies of Nostradamus and white genocide, has defied convention by believing the UK’s interests are best served by staying in the world’s largest trading bloc.

Colleague Tom Logan, who claims this reality is a computer simulation, said: “He’s shocked us all.

“The Atlantis lads, the psychics, the 9/11 truthers and the flat-earthers all have their odd ideas now and then, but Brexit is the one thing we’re all solidly rabid on.

“My only thought is he must have got caught by a chemtrail without his foil-lined headgear. It happens.”

Muir said: “I’m furiously writing pro-EU essays in comments sections with randomly capitalisation, no punctuation and packed with obscure, unsettling references.

“Gonna change some minds.”