Girlfriend’s best friend stops liking status updates

A MAN is concerned that his girlfriend’s best friend has stopped liking his status updates on Facebook.

Tom Booker’s girlfriend Emma’s best friend, Donna Sheridan, had always liked pretty much everything he put up but recently this had stopped.

He said: “Donna’s still active on Facebook. I know that for a fact. Actually she shared some profound lyrics from the band Train only a few days ago.

“She’s just stopped liking my stuff. I’m no data analyst but I’m pretty sure that’s a sign of something to come.

“Something I’m not going to like very much.

Sheridan said: “Tom’s just being paranoid. Emma isn’t interested in Stephen from her work at all.

“No, he did, Tom mentioned Stephen from her work. I’m sure he did.”

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Windows was just a ‘nasty trick’ all along, says Gates

THE entire Windows operating system has been a vindictive practical joke since its inception, Bill Gates has admitted. 

Following criticism that upgrades to Windows 10 used a ‘nasty trick’, Microsoft boss Gates confessed that at this stage he wanted to be caught. 

He continued: “To be honest, it hasn’t really been that funny to me since Windows 98. 

“Back in the Windows 95 days, when people were lining up at midnight to drop $200 on a PC operating system, I was pissing myself pretty much constantly. 

“But after a while the endless gullibility of the public failing to spot all my clever in-jokes about how aggressively unusable the software was just depressed me. 

“I mean when people still bought it after Windows Vista, which was one long drawn-out fart gag, I had to accept I wasn’t a clever satirist but the victim of my own bad joke.

“It doesn’t fucking work! How can you not get that?”

Fellow tech entrepreneur Mark Zuckerberg said: “I thought I was holding a distorted mirror up to the world to confront them with their own ugliness. Turns out they love it.”