MARKS and Spencer has launched a legal challenge against the Inland Revenue, claiming that every one of its 25,000 products is a cake.
As the European Court of Justice awarded M&S a £3.5 million VAT refund on its teacakes, the store revealed that its skirts, blouses and underwear are actually different varieties of attractively shaped cloth cake.
It also insisted its popular lambswool sweaters are crewneck winter cosy cakes, while its cold roast chicken is, and has always been, free-range poultry cake with invisible fondant icing.
M&S chief executive, Sir Stuart Rose, said: "It's all cake. Lovely, lovely cake. Would you like a slice of patio furniture?"
In the wake of the M&S teacake battle, the European Union has pledged to enforce a maximum height for biscuits.
Anything higher than 20mm will be classed automatically as either a cake, a tart or a 'fancy'.
Meanwhile the Austrian government is preparing a multi-million pound law suit to establish a separate classification for the cream horn.
Wayne Hayes, an M&S shopper in Bristol, said: "A teacake's a biscuit, and so's a fuckin' Jaffa Cake, alright?"