Fray Bentos to change pie tin but keep contents disgusting

THE makers of Fray Bentos pies have reassured fans that although the tins are changing, the contents will remain vile.

A Fray Bentos spokesman said: “Although we are altering our iconic tins to make them easier to open, the gruesome meat slurry and claggy pastry topping will stay exactly the same.

“We don’t want to alienate our long-suffering customers but making something edible.”

Fray Bentos fan Stephen Malley said: “If they made these pies less rank, it would not be such a badge of honour to be able to eat a whole one.

“I once saw a hipster trying to semi-ironically eat a Fray Bentos Steak and Kidney pie to impress his mates. Apparently he was never the same again.”

He added: “Personally I can only manage 60 per cent of a Fray Bentos before I have to push it out of sight.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Often cheap meaty foods, especially kebabs and burgers, are unfairly described as being minging because people are snobs.

“However Fray Bentos pies are the real deal.”

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People who push others out of their comfort zone told to mind their own f**king business

PEOPLE who coerce others into doing things outside of their ‘comfort zone’ have been told to fuck off. 

Corporate team leaders, abseiling coaches and anyone who has ever had anything to do with Tough Mudder have been asked to stop hassling normal people.

Comfort zone fan Mary Fisher said: “I know my limits, in fact that’s why they’re called limits. And don’t tell me ‘there are no limits’, because if that’s true how come I’ve got six points on my licence?

“And as for the ‘pain barrier’, why would I even want to think about that, let alone push through it? It’s a barrier made of pain, which sounds unbelievably unpleasant.”

She added: “The comfort zone is clearly the best of all the zones.”

However corporate trainer and former soldier Wayne Hayes said: “It’s only in conditions of extreme adversity, like climbing Ben Nevis in your pants for no reason, that you really get to know yourself.

“I’m just about helping people to grow, although I’m also quite into promoting my shit books and getting corporations to pay me two grand a day to show some managers how to light a fire.”