Grandmothers offering £10k for endangered pink wafers

DESPERATE grandmothers across Britain are willing to pay between £1,000 and £10,000 for endangered pink wafers.

News that manufacturer Rivington Biscuits is under threat is feeding a thriving black market in pink wafers, smuggled around the UK under the noses of police in vintage Peek Freans’ Assortment tins.

78-year-old Susan Traherne said: “My grandson tried to palm me off with custard creams. Big mistake.

“I slapped him, hard, and said ‘You think you’re dealing with some fresh-faced retiree straight out of the bingo hall? You see this walking frame? I need the hard shit.’

“I’ve got a contact – through church, it’s the only reason any of us go – who says they can get me 200 grams, but it’ll cost a month’s pension.

“Still, they know I’ll pay. A life of only bourbons is no life at all.”