Parents reminded that Halloween the only thing stopping Christmas

PARENTS resentful about Halloween have been reminded it is the only thing standing between them and full-on Christmas. 

The festival, for which children demand costumes, special buckets, spooky house decorations and bags of sweets, may seem nakedly commercial but is nothing compared to what follows, the British Retail Consortium has confirmed.

A spokesman said: “You should be thanking your lucky stars that Halloween’s got so big. Otherwise you’d be neck-deep in Christmas right now.

“You’ve bought, what? A few decorative bats? A pumpkin? An overpriced zombie outfit? That’s nothing. In two months you’ll blow twice that on a relative you hate.

“Halloween is the black, skull-decorated dam holding back a deluge of commercialism that will wash away all your intentions of ‘keeping to a budget this year’.

“Be thankful for it. Otherwise it’d be jingle bells for four straight months immediately from Reading and Leeds.”

He added: “Bonfire night? Bonfire night’s an irrelevance. The Americans don’t do it.”