HSBC staff sacked by kindly pink-haired pensioners

THE kindly-seeming old ladies running HSBC have decided to sack 8,000 people because profits are down.

The pink-haired billionaire spinsters, who appear in the bank’s TV adverts helping a local girl to become a fashion designer, delivered the bad news via scrawled notes on pink scented paper.

32-year-old assistant mortgage advisor Norman Steele said: “There was an envelope on my desk this morning. It smelled of lilacs and had my name written on it in shaky pensioner handwriting.

“Inside was a note saying ‘Dear Norman, FUCK OFF, from the ‘Pink Ladies’.”

An HSBC spokesman said: “The pink ladies are all about making dreams come true.

“This is Norman’s chance to follow his heart and become a marine biologist, if he can do that with no money.”

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Increasingly forlorn Green Party poster still in window

A SAD-LOOKING poster asking people to vote Green is still up in the window of a house.

The poignant promotional material is now starting to curl up at the edges, prompting speculation about whether it should be removed.

Neighbour Tom Booker said: “Maybe it’s a deliberate statement that the dream isn’t dead – although it clearly is – or maybe they’re just lazy.

“Probably the latter, judging by the poor decorative repair of the house and the broken toaster dumped by the front door.

“Maybe they could replace it with another, less obviously redundant poster. Perhaps of some frolicking lions or equivalent jungle animal. I presume they like wildlife.

“Anyway they should do something because it’s getting everyone down a bit.”