Ice cream van driving round like it's the middle of f**king summer

AN ICE cream van is still driving round like it is not nearly the end of f**king October.

Onlookers noticed the ice cream van in Weston-Super-Mare yesterday evening, despite the fact it was freezing cold and not an obvious time to think about having a Solero.

Ice cream van driver Tom Booker said: “I’m just trying to make an honest living by driving round in a van playing eerie music which somehow advertises the availability of ice cream.

“But even I can see that with winter approaching it does seem weird, if not downright sinister.”

He added: “And in case you were wondering, yes, there are times when I do feel a bit like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”

Parent Norman Steele said: “It is a tad incongruous, but in fairness to the ice cream man, he does also sell knock-off baccy and pirated DVDs so I should pop out and say hello.”

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Everything in man's shopping basket has cheese on it or will have cheese added to it

A MAN has noticed that everything in his shopping basket is cheese, has cheese on it or will have cheese somehow added to it.

Tom Booker was at the check out of his local supermarket when he noticed the cheese-centric nature of his shopping.

Booker said:“First we have a four cheese margarita pizza, nothing wrong there.

“Then there are some cheese dips things for work this week, again fairly standard.

“And a big block of cheese, so big you could use it as a weapon. Then we have the bread, crackers, bagels – basically vehicles for cheese.

“Luckily I’ve added some bananas to the basket for diversity. Although I put cheese on my bananas, it’s weird but I like it.”

He added: “I’ve never even thought of myself as a person who especially likes cheese, but I’m definitely a person who eats it.”