STOCKBROKERS are preparing for a third day of running around and waving their hands in the air, shouting 'nooooooooooooooooooo!!!'.
In London, the FTSE 100 ate all its clothes and crashed its Aston Martin into the Bank of England before running around the Monument shouting 'nooooooooooooo!!!'.
In Frankfurt the Dax opened its bowels into the waste paper basket and then smeared “I hate shares” in excrement on the walls before running out into the street shouting 'neeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiin!!!'.
The CAC in Paris had its worst day since it threw up on its new suit after a bad snail, while in New York the Dow Jones took an assault rifle to work and posted a video on YouTube.
Evan Davies, the BBC's economics editor, said: “The world’s stock markets are like a finely tuned barrel of eels.
“As they plunge, sea levels rise, leading to a fall in the price of dogs. Even if cat prices remain stable a recession then occurs. No one knows why.”
Davies added: “People often ask me why they have to lose their job and their home because a man in an expensive shirt made some terrible decisions. I tell them no-one knows.”
Alastair Darling, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, woke up in his own shit.