'I'm 27 with a six-figure salary – how much do you hate me?'

INTERNET start-up director Tom Logan, aged 27, earns £140,000 a year and wants to know how angry that makes you.

Logan, who is asking for investment advice just as an excuse to show off, would love to know exactly how much of a bitter failure you feel while looking at his smug, youthful face.

He continued: “Fortnight in Bora Bora this summer, snowboarding in Aspen in Feb. Breathing hard?

“It’s really tough, because of course I’m so young and all my clothes fit me and I can stay up all night partying and still function the next day, and I’ve still got cash to spare.

“Should I invest it in property? Shares? If only I could invest it in your spiralling blood pressure as you read this, because that is going up and up and up.

“Getting a private pension isn’t in anyone’s 30 things to do before you’re 30, but I’ve already done all that stuff. Wow, your eyes. They are fiery with impotent rage.”

Logan added: “I need my investments to be earning me seven figures annually. There are people out there who don’t loathe me yet.”

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Ask Holly: What's the best way of taking off leather trousers?

Dear Holly,

What’s the best way of taking off leather trousers? Whenever I try to remove myself from them I end up frantically writhing about on the floor like a demented lizard: prone and humiliated, and yet still no closer to negotiating an exit point.

Theresa

Westminster

Dear Theresa,

I’ve no idea about leather trousers but in our school nativity I’m sheep number seven. I don’t have any actual lines but I’m planning to say ‘baaaaa’ really loudly over and over again whenever Mary says anything, just to show that sheep are so much better than the mother of the Messiah. Who wants to be Mary anyway? You have to dress up like a nun and hold hands with Joseph whose hands are always in his pants or covered in bogies. So what if every other little girl in the whole world wants to be Mary. Not me, I’d much rather be on all fours pretending to do poos everywhere.

Hope that helps,

Holly

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