IPHONES and iPods will start to behave erratically once a month as Apple boss Steve Jobs slowly turns into a girl, it was confirmed last night.
Jobs revealed his recent weight loss has been caused by an hormonal imbalance, although he reckons it has just moved from his hips to his thighs.
Now consumers have been warned that Apple's hi-tech gadgets may soon start to behave so irrationally you may be tempted to shove them out of a moving car.
An Apple spokesman said: "When Steve turns into a girl, all his products turn into a girl."
He added: "Roughly every four weeks, for reasons known only to itself, your iPhone may suddenly decide that you're a total and utter prick.
"All normal functions will cease and every time you touch it a deafeningly loud alarm will go off. It may also try to kill you.
"Meanwhile your iPod will want to play angry songs by Alanis Morrisette over and over again for about four days.
"Unfortunately there's nothing we can do about it as Apple products do not, as yet, respond to huge amounts of chocolate and Grey's Anatomy."
Meanwhile Apple's ultra-slim MacBook Air laptop may also be withdrawn after Jobs decreed that it looked like 'a big fat cow'.