THE Apple Watch is to be advertised purely as a timekeeping device, rather than a weird little computer.
After the corporation had a mysterious coughing fit while attempting to announce Apple Watch sales figures, it confirmed that a new promotional campaign would focus just on how handy it is if you need to know the time.
A spokesman said: “Forget all the other features, clearly nobody is interested. When you need to know the time fast, all it takes is one quick glance at your wrist. Because Apple Watch has got that covered.
“The screen will have the time on it, bang up to the last second. Any time, night or day, there it is. The time – Apple time.
“Knowing the time is essential for getting to a place when you are supposed to be there. Your competitors know the time – do you?”
“Watches are the future and so is time. In fact, the future is made of time.
23-year-old Mary Fisher said: “So it’s not a complicated little walkie-talkie for neckbeard men with too much disposable income. It’s a jazzy, synthetic-looking watch, like a Swatch.
“I think a Swatch is about forty quid. How much is an Apple Watch?”