Japanese car companies admit pulling out of UK is scare story and true story

JAPANESE car companies will pull out of the UK if there is a no-deal Brexit, but admitted that must be really scary.

Honda and Nissan confirmed they will find it difficult to make cars if a no-deal Brexit means they do not have the parts they need to make the cars.

A Honda spokesman said: “There’s not much point in trying to sell cars that don’t have steering wheels, so we’ll probably have to move somewhere else.”

But failed Brexit secretary David Davis said: “No you won’t’.”

The Honda spokesman added: “Yes we will, we’ve just said so.”

Davis insisted: “No, you won’t. You’’re just trying to scare people.”

The spokesman said: “We’’re not actually trying to scare people, we’’re running a business. But if people are scared, it’’s probably because it’’s a bit scary.

“Because it’’s true.”

Davis then accused the spokesman of working for the Belgian secret service before producing an ‘incriminating dossier’ consisting of random cuttings from local newspapers.

The Honda spokesman said: “Are you okay?”

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Woman late for work after stopping to stroke a cat for 10 minutes

A WOMAN was 10 minutes late for work after stopping to stroke a friendly cat in the street.

Nikki Hollis said: “I’m sorry but it really was a lovely cat. I could have lied and said I was stuck in traffic or something.

“But it really was a lovely cat.

“And he was rolling around on the floor and letting me rub his little belly, and then when I tried to walk away he followed me and was rubbing himself on my legs.”

She added: “What was I meant to do? Just keep walking and be on time for work? He was purring for Christ’s sake.

“Why can’t I just get paid to stroke cats for a living?”

“Seriously. Why not?”