Man believes CD collection worth actual money

A 45-YEAR-OLD has confirmed plans to sell his treasured CD collection for the few hundred pounds he still believes he will get for them. 

Martin Bishop has been buying CDs since the early 90s but has packed them up to sell before the market realises that they are completely unnecessary. 

He said: “You’ve got to stay ahead of the pack. These might have sentimental value for me, but there’s no point storing them in the garage when they could be netting me close to four figures. 

“The time to cash in is now. In a couple of years everyone will be doing it and you won’t be able to give them away. I’m not getting my fingers burnt again like I did with my VHS. 

“Fiver a CD would net me more than two grand, but I don’t reckon I’ll get that. Still I’ll be happy with £600 or so.” 

Following the refusal of any second-hand shops to even make him a cash offer, Bishop will return home, replace the CDs on his shelf and pretend the whole thing never happened. 

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Gym shower temporarily out of order for 97th day in a row

A GYM has redefined the concept of ‘temporary’ after a shower has been ‘temporarily out of order’ for more than a quarter of a year.

The staff at the gym in Swindon noticed there was a problem with one of the showers in the ladies changing room after eight women separately told them it was not working, and they immediately put up a laminated sign.

Gym manager Wayne Hayes said; “We take our clients’ feedback very seriously and we are currently looking into ways that we can troubleshoot the shower situation.

“I’d like to reassure people that it will be fixed as soon as it is humanly possible for me to be bothered to do something about it”.

The sign, which was double-laminated to ensure longevity, has withstood the steam from the shower next to it.

Gym member Eleanor Shaw said: “I pay £45 a month for this gym mainly to do twenty minutes on the cross trainer and then have a nice long shower that won’t add to my electricity bill.

“If a shower isn’t available, it kind of makes all the gym fees feel pointless.”