Management sees woman's untapped potential to work weekends

A MANAGER has identified one of his employees as having what it takes to work most weekends.

Nikki Hollis, a junior marketing executive, has been working at her current job for just three weeks, but her manager has already singled her out as being what he calls ‘a weekender’.

Manager Denys Finch Hatton said: “Nikki has the lack of social life and deep fear of losing her job that will drive her to slog her guts out on more Saturdays and Sundays than she can count.

“She is a great fit for the company and has already responded to subtle manipulations to stay late, even on a Friday.

“With the right continued guilt-tripping from me, combined with a gradual build-up of workload and stress, I’m confident she has a very bright future working here at weekends.”

The company currently runs a rewards scheme for weekend-working employees called ‘Go Hard But Don’t Go Home’, which offers vouchers at an office cafe with the same name.


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Woman who cried at Pride of Britain awards delighted by benefit cuts

A WOMAN moved to tears by the Pride of Britain awards is also pleased about new benefits cuts.

Shop manager Emma Bradford cried several times at the televised stories of people struggling against adversity, but feels new benefits cuts for poor families are a great thing.

Bradford said: “Seeing all those people coping with difficult circumstances was very moving, I was in bits over the little lad who raised £10,000 selling homemade biscuits on the internet to buy a new wheelchair for his mum.

“But that in no way affects my view that there are too many scrounging benefits bastards.

“You wouldn’t get a benefits person jumping into a river to save someone because they’d be at home eating frozen pizza and smoking.

“I think Pride of Britain proves that the worse people’s problems are, the more they try to overcome them, so we could motivate the unemployed by giving them serious illnesses.

“If they battled their illness and managed to get a job as well you could give them an award. That would make a really good TV programme.”