Man loves saying things are 'al dente'

A MAN uses the expression ‘al dente’ wherever possible, it has emerged.

25-year-old estate agent Julian Cook uses the term a lot because it makes him feel refined and clever, even if he does not know what it means and just thinks it is a general term for luxury.

He said: “This pasta is perfectly al dente. So are the accompanying vegetables.

“This glass of wine is al dente too.”

Cook has also described his car and his dog as being al dente.

His girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “It all started when he seriously undercooked some pasta and I said it was al dente so that he wouldn’t feel bad. I could see from the way he looked at me it was like a lightbulb had gone on in his head.

“Last night he told me his wants to start a nightclub called Al Dente. I just said it sounded really good.”

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Conversations with phone on speaker 89 per cent more likely to be about annoying bullshit

PEOPLE using their phones on speaker are highly likely to be discussing some irritating bullshit, it has emerged.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that speaker-phone chats were often about a hot guy from some cool party, a ‘crazy’ coincidence or work-related boasting.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Speaker people want everyone to hear their conversation because they reckon the world is a soap opera in which they are the main characters.

“Often the person holding the phone is just repeatedly saying ‘Oh my God’ and laughing maniacally while the person on the other end says ‘Oh my God’ back.

“Or it’s some corporate rubbish like ‘Karl, KMG just caved in at the Didbury meeting, we’ve nailed it’.”

Speaker phone fan Mary Fisher said: “Speaker mode is handy for when you’re driving or if you’re on busy public transport and you want to let the entire bus know you’ve just seen a massive cat.

“I just like holding the phone directly in front of me, it looks futuristic plus I can see my lovely chin reflected in the screen.”