Miserable Osborne returns to life of cocaine and prostitutes

A DEJECTED George Osborne has returned to the empty parade of escort girls and drug abuse that made up his life before being chancellor. 

The man who was expecting to lead the country within four years is instead a virtual recluse, his only visitors an endless procession of high-class prostitutes and lieutenants from Colombian drug cartels.

Osborne, sitting slumped in front of a glass-topped table piled with cocaine, oblivious to the undulating pole dancers on either side, said: “It’s all over for me.

“I used to be somebody. My visionary austerity policies were dragging Britain out of recession and into surplus. Now what have I got?

“I’m just one more has-been falling asleep in a four-poster bed buried in five giggling girls every night, only ever glimpsing myself in the mirror with a rolled-up £50 in one nostril.

“I don’t know how ordinary people live like this. I don’t know how they bear it.”