Most Britons working either seven or seventy hours a week

BRITONS with jobs are either desperately under-employed freelancers or working like a bastard, it has emerged.

Researchers found the traditional nine-to-five model has been replaced by a seven-to-nine routine for corporate employees and a ten-to-eleven routine for ‘consultants’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said, “Britain’s workforce is being made to work far too much and far too little.

“On the one hand, you have those in full-time employment. To handle the workload foisted on them by the latest round of mass redundancies, they’re having to get to the office just after dawn and stay till long after dusk.

“They might have their own office cubicle and fancy title but they might as well be collecting whelks for 14 hours a day.”

He added: “Meanwhile, freelancers have fancy business cards but if things don’t pick up they may have to smear them with marmite and eat them.”

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Corbyn remembers to go back to work after Christmas

JEREMY Corbyn’s wife has reminded him he is leader of the opposition and suggested he returns to work.

After opening his Christmas presents of a tangerine and a large Brazil nut, Mr Corbyn spent the rest of the festive period cataloguing his seed collection, becoming so involved in the process that he forgot he has a job.

Mr Corbyn’s aide Emma Bradshaw said: “It turned out we actually got a lot done without his bike and his opinions cluttering up the office. But then Tom Watson started getting funny about it because he’d come back early from an acid house rave in Taunton.

“We phoned Jeremy’s house and his wife answered. She sounded quite surprised because she hadn’t seen him since Boxing Day.

“Eventually she found him in the shed but said he couldn’t come to the phone because he would lose count of his parsnip seeds, but he’d try and make it in tomorrow.”

Mr Corbyn said: “Nothing is more important to me than leading the Labour Party into government. Apart from page 35 of this organic seed catalogue.”