TESCO’S new automated till has the character of a divorced middle-aged woman with a borderline drink problem.
The supermarket confirmed that it would be replacing its intolerably uptight till with a slapdash, mildly flirtatious version that doesn’t care about the bagging area because it is preoccupied with its hangover.
A Tesco spokesman said: “The new ‘Susan’ till just wants to get through the day without throwing up.
“She’s just left a bad marriage and is torn between the desire to have drunken fun in local nightclubs and a sense of responsibility for her kids, Shane and Jenny, who are spending a lot of time with their grandmother.
“With all that on her plate she doesn’t give a fuck about what’s in the bagging area. She just wants to get these groceries processed as quickly as possible so that she can have a cigarette.
“She likes tall men though and will try to get their number.”
The ‘Susan’ till said: “I tell you what’s an ‘unexpected item’ – my ex’s support payment when it arrives on time.
“Is that a bag of oranges? Let’s just say it’s oranges.”