New ‘London pound’ coin to be worth about 45p

THE new 2017 pound coin will be a special ‘London pound’ worth less than half as much as the national version.

Londoners will be paid their salaries in the new currency without any increase to reflect the lower value, then be expected to still somehow pay their rent and bills.

A Royal Mint spokesman said: “It’s past time London had its own currency which reflects the remarkably poor value and hellish nature of the city.”

Restaurants and cafes have already prepared for the new coin by removing the ‘£’ signs from menus to make prices seem less extortionate.

Londoner Norman Steele said: “According to this menu a bacon butty is ‘7’. I knew there was no way that would be in normal pounds because it’s a bit of bacon jammed between two slices of bread.

“It’s good to know the precise terms on which I am being totally fucked.”