Office brainstorming session produces nothing but evil thoughts

A GATHERING of workers to generate business ideas only produced dark and twisted visions, it has emerged.

Attendees were supposed to be coming up with ways of generating new clients, but account manager Wayne Hayes could only envision a huge Mongolian Death Worm rising from the floor and swallowing them all, then being digested alive for eternity.

Hayes said: “My manager said ‘interesting, let’s unpack that idea’ but I could tell he was freaked out.

“In my head I started summoning the tormented souls of dead office workers who were made to endure ‘thought showers’ in the past.

“It may have worked because suddenly Debbie from marketing’s eyes rolled into the back of her skull and she said ‘it’s a no-brainer’ in this terrifying strangled voice.”

Meanwhile colleague Mary Fisher’s mind drifted to the possibility that every time the manager said ‘let’s run that up the flagpole’ his head would spin round spewing toxic Cappuccino fluid over everyone.

Fisher added: “A selection of donuts were laid on to help ‘inspire creativity’ but they may have just spawned a new generation of serial killers.”