Office Of Fair Trading Takes Four Years To Discover Builders Are At It

THE Office of Fair Trading last night defended taking four years and millions of pounds to discover that builders might just be at it.

'On Fridays I like to abandon your half-finished extension and drive my Range Rover to the bookies'

The OFT launched the investigation amid concerns that builders' quotes seemed to be drawn up in some strange, parallel universe where everyone who is not a builder is an idiot.

Wayne Hayes, who made the initial complaint, said he was surprised the investigation had taken so long.

"To be honest, I thought if I walked into the OFT and made a complaint about how builders can be a bit dodgy they would take one look at me and go, 'D'UH!'

"'D'UH, D'UH, D'UH, D'UH, D'UH, D'UH, D'UH, D'UH, D'UH!'

"Then I thought they might stick their tongue inside their bottom limp and wobble their head around going, 'mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm' and call me a 'spazzy'.

"But instead they were like, 'Really? Are you serious? That's incredible', and then put half their staff on to it."

It is the OFT's first major, national investigation since it spent three years and £5 million discovering that there was actually nothing wrong with your exhaust.

Mr Hayes added: "I know I can't build an extension on my own, but does that give some fucking Sun reader the right to charge me 800 quid a day to ruin my garden and show me photos of his six bedroom villa in Santa Ponsa?"