VISITING a chi-chi little town? Here are six absurdly niche shops you’ll find there and only there:
Olive Oil Only
Apparently extra-virgin isn’t good enough for the inhabitants of Smedley-upon-Wem, so they pop to a convenient specialist to slather their pans in an choice selection of chilli and saffron-infused nectar of the gods. But does do really nice free samples served with poncy crackers.
Dead Flowers
Dried flowers used to be a granny thing, but in Cockwich-sub-Castle they’re every middle-class woman’s go-to and whole shops are devoted to unusual dried grasses pieces at £8 a pop. Named after the Rolling Stones song, also now kind of a granny thing.
Paper Dispensation
No-one writes anything by hand nowadays, so the absurdly wealthy are getting into it. That and early retirees taking up sketching means a shop selling fancy paper is a viable business in Market Frecklesworth. You pick up a ream of A4 for the printer and leave it at the counter when it costs £22.
St Bede’s Uniform Retailer to the Gentry
School skirts are two for £12 at Sainsbury’s but not if your daughter gets into St Bede’s Costermonger’s Free School, formerly Astlebury Grammar. Uniform only available at their special shop in the poshest nearby village, where an ankle-length kilt will set you back £50.
Jynnan Tonnyx
Since gin was culturally appropriated from serious drunks, little boutique stores have opened up across the land with 150 different brands of gin that all taste the same but have a slightly different version of a pheasant with a monocle as their mascot.
Bathmats of Yore
Not content with a single interior design shop run by a vile man in a cravat, Slocombe-by-Water is so well-heeled it can support the absurd side hustle of a vintage shop entirely devoted to Victorian bath mats and bathing equipment. Don’t go in unless you like feeling inferior to a tablecloth.
