Only way to leave LinkedIn is to destroy LinkedIn HQ

MEMBERSHIP of networking website LinkedIn can only be terminated by destroying its corporate headquarters, it has emerged.

A LinkedIn spokesman said: “People have been emailing us, saying they lost interest in the site immediately after joining and have since attempted to delete their profile several dozen times.

“Actually leaving the site is quite simple – simply locate and destroy our corporate headquarters. They’re in a bunker, and although I can’t tell you exactly where, it is a jungle region.

“You will however need a number of fighter planes to penetrate our missile defences.”

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Rain fails to dampen Womad crowd's tiresome positivity

DESPITE poor weather, everyone at this year’s Womad festival remained nauseatingly upbeat.

World music fans in colourful trousers continued to smile and dance through torrential rain, because they are ‘like that’ all the time.

48-year-old Womad attendee Stephen Malley said: “I’m permanently high on life. But during Womad my levels of positivity are pretty much off the chart.

“Percussive music sung in foreign languages, plus carrot-based smoothies and the opportunity to wear my favourite hat with bits of mirror stitched into it? Yes please!

“Truly it is heaven on Earth.”

Fellow Womad-goer Emma Bradford said: “It takes more than a drop of rain to stop me jigging about dementedly, flailing my limbs like a panic-stricken beetle.

“Then on the way home I will sing along to a Bundu Boys CD with my friends who are all social workers.

“Nothing gets me down really, not even the menopause or drumming workshops.”

She added: “Tonight I am going to cook something in a tagine. The whole world is invited.”