Quaint market town would secretly love massive Tesco

RESIDENTS of a sleepy Shropshire market town would be absolutely stoked if a massive Tesco opened, they have confirmed. 

Approximately 1,500 of Bishop’s Castle’s 1,630 residents are secretly hoping the retailer will despoil their beautful town with a huge Tesco Extra, while the others would lose their jobs.

Joe Turner said: “It could be as big as the town itself for me. Just imagine.

“Parking that’s not all clogged with tourists, buying groceries without having to hear about Jan’s mother’s dog’s vet bill, and not paying £2.20 a time for a bottle of own-brand ketchup.

“Sherry who runs the cafe and second-hand bookshop’s launching a campaign against it. Of course she is. Her and Martin from the Co-op, whose stranglehold is killing this town.

“Pushing a gleaming trolley down aisles as wide as the ocean. Heaping it with TVs and clothing. Corporate, homogenised, but to me beautiful.

“And I’d have a Wetherspoons. I’m sick to fucking death of 400-year-old pubs with their locally-brewed craft ales.”