Sainsbury’s-Asda merger ‘could show middle-class shoppers the futility of their pathetic aspirations’

A PROPOSED merger between Sainsbury’s and Asda will finally make middle-class Britain realise its imagined superiority is nothing but a lie. 

The £10bn deal would mean that shoppers who habitually pay 50p extra for the same coffee as ‘Asda people’ would have to face up to being basically no different to the men who do their car MOTs. 

Sainsbury’s shopper Mary Fisher said: “The barbarians are at the gates of Rome. Our golden dream of civilisation is over. 

“After this merger, my trolley of purple basil and orecchiette pasta will be cheek-by-jowl with an Asda trolley packed with Monster Munch and Mr Tumble Pasta Shapes and I’ll stare into that abyss and, God help me, so many products will be the same ones I buy. 

“At that moment I’ll finally understand that my whole middle-class world is a lie, that I am just the same as those I despise, and that the British class system was only created to manipulate us into acting against our own interests. 

“Then I’ll go back to the start of the store, buy a 60-inch telly, a crate of Stella and a jumbo bag of turkey dinosaurs for the kids, and begin really living.”