NO sheepdog has ever made the transition to shepherd, it has emerged.
Border Collie Tom Logan said: “I’m out there busting my arse every day, running like fuck in zig zags until all the sheep are in their pen.
“I only have to look at a flock of sheep and they all sit down. No one knows ovine psychology like I do.
“Why then am I sleeping in an outbuilding next to a sack of potatoes? Because I’m not a biped.”
Logan added: “I could easily run my own flock. I’ve got great ideas for a range of organic marmalade too, but nobody ever listens.
“Every time I try to throw a few ideas in the mix, somebody shuts me up with a biscuit.”