SMUG twats who piled all their cash into imaginary numbers money are finding out they are not cleverer than the entire world after all.
Millions of knobheads who firmly believed they had discovered eternal wealth simply by converting normal money into a new kind of money backed by no guarantees whatsoever are learning that they were stupid and wrong.
Nathan Muir of Colchester said: “Okay, what the f**k? I remortgaged my house for this. And now it’s just going down like some sort of stock?
“What about the blockchain? I don’t really understand what that is, but what about it? Surely we can give that a good sharp yank and get that graph going up again?”
Investor Oliver O’Connor said: “I didn’t put all my eggs in one basket. I’ve got Bitcoin, Dogecoin, Ethereum and Tether. Unfortunately it seems they’re four flavours of the same total bullshit.
“This doesn’t make any sense. I was better than everyone else! I had the secret! I was going to retire at 35! Why is everyone pointing at me and laughing?”
Friend Lucy Parry said: “Oh no, Oliver’s going to have to work for a living like every f**ker else. Except harder because he’s 40 grand in debt. I can’t find the words to express how sorry I am.”