Sports Direct considering having a sale
SPORTS Direct owner Mike Ashley has admitted that he may be forced to discount prices in his stores for the first time.
The high-fashion retailer, where British Knights trainers sell to an exclusive clientele at around £1,200 a pair, has been forced to desperate measures by a slump in its share price.
Mike Ashley said: “I never thought I’d say this, but Sports Direct is having a sale.
“Yes, we run the risk of damaging our high-end brand, compared to Prada or Hermes, and losing our status as a destination retail experience, but we need cash.
“I’m hoping the pre-opera crowd will find the yellow signs in our windows hilariously ironic, like an art installation, and not notice that Lonsdale hoodies are only £11.49.”
Ashley has indicated that the sale will last for somewhere between six weeks and 12 years, with items reduced by a mere 95 to 98 percent.
Wayne Hayes said: “Finally I might be able to buy from Sports Direct instead of just peering through the windows and dreaming.
“Maybe one of their signature mugs, like Karl Lagerfeld drinks from.
“Ah, who am I kidding. Their snooty, elitist staff will spot me the minute I’m through the door.”