Chutney went straight in bin, Queen confirms

A CHRISTMAS gift of homemade chutney from the Duchess of Cambridge was treated with the contempt it deserved, says the Queen. 

The present, which Her Majesty described as being among the most insulting that she had ever received, was briefly displayed on the dining table to ‘shut thingy up’ before being thrown away unopened. 

The Queen said: “I could be an 89-year-old with a one-bar fire in sheltered housing and that would still be head-and-shoulders the worst present I received that year. 

“What about a nice book? Or one of those personalised calendars with the great-grandkids on? 

“Nobody likes chutney. Andrew gets me better presents than this, and he’s a selfish prick.”

The Duchess of Cambridge said: “Next year it’s homemade soap full of leaves and pine cones and other stuff I’ve picked up off the ground.

“It’s what upper class people like.”