Successful team building weekend focuses on how much everyone hates company

A TEAM-BUILDING weekend has succeeded because it focused on workers’ shared loathing of their employer.

Staff from Piper Redmond Insurance gathered at a Holiday Inn near Worcester for what they imagined would be another tedious weekend of raft building, inane group discussions and lifeless ‘creative games’.

However their enthusiasm immediately increased when they were asked to brainstorm ‘Why Piper Redmond Insurance is such a massive piece of shit’.

Low-paid admin drone Nikki Hollis said: “Normally I can’t think of anything to say in these so-called ‘workshops’ but I detest my employer so much I actually wore out three whiteboard markers.

“I even invented a new swearword ‘penisbags’. I’m definitely realising my untapped potential.”

Sales assistant Tom Booker said: “There was a really cool brainstorming session about to take your revenge for not getting a pay rise again this year. I said I would put a viper in the MD’s golf bag that would go up his arm and bite his face, the trainer said that was very creative.

“Weirdly I hated everyone at work until this weekend but now I feel we’ve really bonded. We’re going to meet up next weekend to lob our computers off the fire escape.”

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Blair explains how he'd have done Star Wars differently

TONY Blair has described in detail what Star Wars should have been like, despite no one asking for his opinion.

After sharing his views on Brexit with Andrew Marr, Blair went on to the 1977 film Star Wars as “shit” and claimed he had “more brilliant ideas while cleaning my teeth than George Lucas has had in his lifetime”.

Blair said: “Instead of the Death Star planet I’d have had a massive spaceship that sucks in planets and fires them out like a ping-pong gun. It’s called the Pingatron.

“The Empire is rubbish, so I’d have a new enemy called ‘the Dictatorship’ led by the evil Knorr Twarkin. It’s important to remind people that standing up to dictators is always the right thing to do.”

Blair then described a plot outline involving a space dragon, Ewok politics and a charismatic young Jedi called Blare Spacerider.

He added: “I’ve got so many ideas I could write all the new spin-offs as well. You could get all the medical droids and do a sort of robot Holby City in space.”