Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Supermarkets just f**king dying to put the Easter Eggs out

BRITAIN’S supermarket chains have confirmed they are just fucking itching to start putting Easter eggs out.

With Christmas over, supermarkets are keen to have another cash grab from Easter eggs and associated tat, despite it being a quarter of a year away.

Supermarket chief executive Nathan Muir said: “People are generally pretty stupid and think if they’re out on show then they should be buying them.

“Our dream is to one day have several aisles in the supermarket dedicated to seasonal crap at completely the wrong time of year.

“So you could buy fireworks for Easter and chocolate eggs for Bonfire Night. We can probably convince the dense bastards they need inflatable Santas all year round.”

Shopper Emma Bradford said: “I know it’s not Easter for fucking forever but if they put them on the shelves I’ll have a terror of not planning ahead and buy them now.

“And then eat them in the next couple of weeks when I’ve got a hangover or just because it’s chocolate, then buy more fairly pointless chocolate eggs to make up for it.

“I haven’t even got kids.”