TESCO Metro has launched a new slogan reflecting the half-arsed shopping habits of its customers.
The catchphrase, which Tesco Metro’s customer base will not even bother to read, narrowly beat ‘for those who set their sights slightly higher than a corner shop’ to represent the nationwide chain of stores.
A Tesco spokesman said: “This new slogan perfectly represents the fact that our Metro stores are the last resort for disorganised pricks who would rather put up with high prices and a limited range than do a weekly shop like normal people.
“Whether they’re picking up a last-minute microwave dinner or buying a packet of chocolate Hobnobs and counting that as a meal, our customers are the most bone idle f**ks you could ever meet. And our brand that speaks their language.
“We thought about pairing the slogan with a funny gesture such as a shrug, like the way Asda adverts always had someone patting their bum, but why bother? In the case of these people, less is more.”
Tesco Metro shopper Carolyn Ryan said: “It’s good to see my slothful lifestyle finally represented in the media. Now if you excuse me, I need to buy a multipack of Scotch eggs for dinner again.”