Theme parks, cinemas, on trains: how to get maximally ripped off for the most basic of f**king snacks

ARE you paying the absolute maximum possible amount for a Twix, or saving money like a total loser? Spend like a billionaire at these outlets: 


Market leaders at punter-fleecing after decades raking in profit on a product that’s 90 per cent air, they also lead in overcharging for buckets of Coke, bags of Munchies and nachos. Look forward to losing half your popcorn to the floor in low lighting, meaning it costs about 45p for every crunchy step.


The sad narrow buffet cars on trains offer incredible value on products both overpriced and extremely shit. You can pay £1.45 for a four-finger KitKat or drop £2 on a bizarrely-flavoured flapjack that promises much and tastes like sour cardboard. Get there quickly or they’ll run out before you’ve reached Rugby.

Motorway services

Hidden behind KFC and a display of travel pillows like a snake waiting to strike, the Walkers Grab Bag is priced at just 15p per crisp or crisp fragment. But take part in a convoluted meal deal and you can walk away with £2 of junk food for over a tenner.

Theme parks

Basically open prisons kept afloat by artificially-enforced scarcity, so it makes sense that snacks are priced as if sold illegally on the black market. And food here somehow tastes worse as well, as if each Snickers Duo has been flung about on the mine train or fished out the bottom of the log flume.

Any rural Spar

You don’t have to be a captive market to be grievously cheated. These glorified corner shops are masters of misdirection, ensuring you’ll never quite figure out the price of a pack of biscuits until you reach the till. Then you’ll slink away with the embarrassment of having been mugged by a hidden fluorescent sticker.

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Djokovic fully supports your right to call him a knobhead

TENNIS star Novak Djokovic says he personally does not believe himself to be a knobhead but he fully supports your freedom to refer to him as one.

After saying he would rather miss out on future tennis trophies than be vaccinated against Covid, Djokovic defended the public’s right to call him a knobhead on the basis of that decision.

He said: “I’ve never been against people calling me a knobhead. If you feel it’s necessary to do so that’s your choice and I respect it.

“But personally I’m very particular about how I refer to myself, so you’re never going to catch me pointing at my reflection and saying ‘knobhead’. Though I am keeping my mind open to the possibility.

“That doesn’t mean I’m part of the anti-knobhead movement though. Far from it. In fact I used to call people a knobhead as a child. I just try to be in tune with my body and I feel I would be the first to know if my head was, in fact, a knob.

“I’m open-minded to the idea of calling myself a knobhead in the future. But that would depend on me doing something that only a knobhead would do, like f**king up my own career for no good reason whatsoever.”

After pausing for a moment to reflect, he added: “Actually, yeah. I’m a knobhead.”