Tickets to London property crash already sold out

MORE than 800,000 front row seats to watch London’s property market collapse in April next year have already sold out.

The tickets, which only went on sale on Wednesday, have proven hugely popular with provincial Britons who usually travel to the capital for West End musicals.

Susan Traherne of Nottingham said: “This is the big one. They’ve been building up to it for years, and it’s going to be spectacular.

“I can’t wait to see all those foreclosure signs springing up on the luxury apartments and the chorus of aggrieved homeowners crying ‘It’s worth half what we’re paying on the mortgage.’

“Apparently there’s a really moving performance of ‘This buy-to-let was meant to be my pension’ early in the second half that will have everyone in tears of delight.

“And the big closing number, when the banks move to Frankfurt and the Londoners all chant ‘A two-bedroom flat worth a million pounds, were we mad, were we mad, were we mad?’ sounds epic.

“It’s very far-fetched, of course. Couldn’t happen in the real world where the rest of us live.”

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Corbyn hoping Tories go for an unelectable fanatic as well

JEREMY Corbyn has backed Andrea Leadsom to be Tory leader on the grounds that unelectable radicals should stick together. 

The Labour leader believes that a straight choice between two fringe politicians catapulted into frontline politics by extremists is exactly what Britain deserves.

He said: “We may be very different on the surface – she believes that you can spot career criminals as toddlers, I think prison should be abolished – but we actually have a lot in common.

“We both hate our own parties, we’re both planning political re-education camps for the public, neither of us will relinquish our grip on power for anything short of a military coup, it’s uncanny.”

Leadsom agreed: “You know those scenes in thrillers when the deranged, obsessive cop finally confronts the serial killer and he says ‘You and I, we’re the same?’

“That is so me and Jeremy.”