TIZER has been named a fizzy drink of outstanding cultural importance by the UN.
The red-flavoured drink can now only be produced in the Tizer region by accredited master popmakers, using methods that date back to 1987.
Tizerologist Nikki Hollis said: “This will help protect the integrity of Tizer for future generations by ensuring that only traditional, artisanal preservatives and the precise levels of sweetener are used.
“Its famous bright colour has to be created using the time-honoured method of pouring a load of red stuff into the vat.”
The precise geographical location of Tizer country was delineated by the UNESCO judges, stretching from the reception desk at the front of the factory all the way to where they stack the empty barrels round the back.
The news has brought hope to producers of other British classics, with the makers of Frazzles and Parma Violets preparing bids to receive protected status. One potential stumbling block may be in deciding if a product cannot be made elsewhere or if it is just that nobody else wants to make it.
Tizer fan Roy Hobbs said: “It’s a great day for Tizer and a great opportunity to tell Irn Bru to go fuck itself.”
