INTEREST rates are going through the roof due to war in Iran, which is great news for Brits with huge surplus sums. How will you cash in?
Helen Archer, translator: “By borrowing £15 million at today’s loan rates, putting it in a high-interest account at December’s rates, and living off the margin between the two. Now I just need to borrow £15 million.”
Oliver O’Connor, meme generator: “Right. And if I’ve put all my capital into Pokemon cards, where does that leave me?”
Denys Finch Hatton, historian: “You guys think this war’s going to carry on? Have you not been listening to Pete Hegseth?”
Steve Malley, civil servant: “I’m actually the bloke who goes up on the ladder and changes the big numbers on the Bank of England showing what the rate is. I get paid per job, so I’m quids in for the year.”
Susan Traherne, heiress: “Oh that is good news. I was thinking I needed to liquidate my gold. Well that calls for a little drinky-poo.”
