AFTER Gerry Adams protested in court that he was never a member of the IRA, retired members of the group are kicking themselves for failing to recruit him.
Although Adams was a key figure in the Republican movement and seemingly an ideal candidate for the IRA, it seems he could never be sufficiently bothered to actually join.
Ex-IRA commander Seamus O’Grady said: “I’m pretty sure I asked Patrick to ask Gerry if he was interested. But now he’s saying he thought I was going to do it, the eejit.
“You’d have thought Adams could’ve put himself forward though. Was he shy? Was all the ‘get the Brits out’ stuff just talk? Maybe he secretly loves them. I suppose we could have recruited someone else by mistake. It’s a problem when everyone wears f**king balaclavas.
“Needless to say, this oversight has sent shockwaves through the paramilitary community. He was always around, always f**king talking, always being Gerry Adams with that twatty beard. We all just assumed someone else had done the paperwork.
“So it turns out he was just a hanger-on, like those blokes who impersonate war veterans. But if he’s still interested we can do a bit of backdating and get him in. I mean, it’s less work than it used to be.”
O’Grady added: “Hang on, it seems we accidentally invited the bloke who did his voice on telly. Bollocks. No wonder he was useless at doing bombs.”
